Bar review sucks

For someone so unsure of whether to practice law, I sure have been killing myself studying for this stupid bar exam, lately.

I went from not wanting to practice at all, to thinking about it, to deciding to take the bar in February, to scrambling to get my shit together for the July exam. How did I get to this? No idea. Maybe a fear of not knowing what to do with my life coupled with the crippling debt of law school that I need to start repaying soon (incidentally, I'm now almost $100k in debt).

I started a home-study bar review program that normally takes students upwards of 2 months to complete when moving at the normal pace. There's less than a month until the exam. Now, I could've started early June but the nice people at the bar loan place decided to hold my loan application up in bullshit for the last month. Thanks, guys!

Despite all this, I'm surprisingly nonchalant. Let me try and relate to you how much I care about passing this exam. I care about passing this exam about as much as I cared about Pluto being declassified as a planet. I care about passing this exam about as much as I care about the Sex and the City movie. I care about passing this exam...well, about as much as I cared about succeeding in law school.

So I don't exactly have a lot tied up in this exam. It's not like I've got a job waiting for me if I pass. No, I'll still be groping blindly to get my foot in the door at some place that I don't care about but I pretend to be totally psyched about in front of the recruiters. Seriously, every law firm is exactly the same. They all do boring law stuff and they're all named after 5 or 6 boring, old white guys who could give a shit if their employees live or die as long as they're not bothered.

I'm not jaded.

If I actually do pass this exam then I suppose I'll have to continue this ridiculous game.