Things that bug me.

Pubes in the urinals. (Sorry, ladies. You'll have to sit this one out.)

I go into the bathroom and there's pubes in the urinals. What's the f'ing deal, here? How does this come about? I've got my theories:

1) It's the work of a religious nut. There is a guy who, every time he pees, pulls out his pubes as if to atone for his past sins. This guy is relentless, pulling out at least 10 in any giving sitting. He then leaves them in the urinal to remind himself of his past crimes.

2) Some dude has problems unzipping. John Q. Longpubes can't unzip and pull out his junk without inadvertently ripping out his own body hair. He is too stunned to do anything with them but leave them where they fall. Do yourself a favor and give yourself a trim.

3) It's a terrible present. Just as your dog or cat will drag a dead bird into the house as a "gift" to you, this man leaves his pubes in the urinal as work of art for all to see. 20 years down the road, it turns out that he's the new Van Gogh.

4) God hates me. He knows that seeing ripped-out pubes in a public urinal will always make me gag. He divinely intervenes to set me up.

Seriously, now guys. How hard is it to keep your pubes to yourself? Work it out.