Blogspot has run its course.

Tumblr is the new Blogspot.

Conversation of the day

An excerpt from a conversation I had today where I was asking about a friend's relationship with her boyfriend:

Me: You two married yet?

Her: Not yet.

Me: Just waiting for the right pregnancy, I see.

Me: That romantic moment when you realize you don't have the guts to go through with an abortion.

Pete Sampras applies for a job

Man, I get bored at work sometimes. (Click on the picture to see a bigger version.)

Ricky Martin...gay?

Ricky Martin, seen here sporting a sleeveless, low-cut blouse, leather pants and multiple necklaces, recently announced that he is...gay?



This has got to be a blow to all those ladies out there who used to dream of his tight abs, which can be seen below as Ricky dances with a friend (perhaps celebrating the very essence of manhood?):




But, while I have no qualms with the homosexual community and embrace their quest for equality, who could honestly have predicted that Mr. La Vida Loca himself would turn out to be loco for hombres?



I guess I just don't see it.

An immortal jellyfish is gross forever

Apparently this thing can regenerate it's entire body, going from adult back to polyp and then growing again. This makes jellyfish even grosser than before. Jellyfish are disgusting creatures. They look like barf encased in intestines. I wish jellyfish would go away forever.

Corey Haim found dead

Eh.

My bank gets lonely

The other day Chase sent me a new debit card, which had to be activated before I could use it. I called the activation phone number and it made me enter the 16-digit card number. Then...it was usable. No password...nothing. The sticker on the card said the card wasn't activated before I got it for my protection. Maybe the automated activation voice lady just needed to hear my sweet, sweet voice? Nice going, Chase.

I have decided that the "Blogs of Note" section on the main page

of blogger.com is filled predominately with blogs wherein ugly people type meaningless thoughts. The difference in mine? I'm a beautiful man.

Edit: Sound the alarm. I've used the word "blog" 3 times in one sentence. And now, 4 times in one post.

Johnny Weir, Team USA Olympic Figure Skater

Don't ever stop dreaming.

Dear Law School and Related Organizations:

I am flattered that you have chosen me to hound with letter after letter gently hinting at the possibility of a contribution, but as it turns out, I've already given you A HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS for an education that has rewarded me with two years of headaches and underpayment. So you'll have to forgive me if I don't choose to make a donation to your cause.

Love,

Me

How to tell your new Facebook friend is an advertising ploy

1) You don't recognize them.

2) You have no friends in common.

3) They only have one picture.

4) Their wall is composed entirely of notices that they've added friends, and people asking, "Do I know you?"

5) All of their status updates are links to porn sites.

That last one is definitely the kicker. I'm on to you, social media marketers.

Conversation of the day:

I sent a friend of mine a website that I happened to think was hilarious and this was the short, ensuing discussion:

Friend: safe for work?

Me: yeah

Me: text and pie charts

Me: oh, one picture of a guy ramming another from behind but it's done tastefully

Friend: uhhh

There are so many crazy people at libraries

As a dude who spends a decent amount of time at public libraries, I can tell you that there are some crazy ass people who spend their time there. (Get all your "YOU'RE CRAZY TOO" jokes out of the way, now.) For the most part, they are respectful of the rest of us in the library and are quietly crazy. Yesterday however, I was not so lucky.

I was sitting, minding my own business while doing some research for work, when a crazy lady sat down next to me on my left, muttering something like "the books are always wrong." I shifted to my right.

Five minutes later, a crazy man sat down in front of me, speaking at about an outdoor volume, alternating between grunts of disgust and exclamations about how he "can't believe this!"

Not a minute after that, another crazy man walked into the room and began yelling at bookshelves.

I left shortly thereafter.

Being an ass can land you in jail

Adam Reposa, an attorney in Austin, Texas, was held in contempt of court (sounds boring, but read on) and thrown in jail for 90 days for being an asshole. That link is an actual court decision, and as such, is very long and hard to get through without falling asleep. Here are the funny parts (by the way, the "applicant" is the attorney, Reposa):

In the contempt hearing, Judge Breland testified that, at this point, she saw the applicant "violently shaking his head while [she was] trying to talk to [his client]." The record of the proceedings reveals that this exchange followed:

JUDGE BRELAND: Mr. Reposa, I'm going to ask you, don't be distracting him, please -

REPOSA: Not trying to distract him.

JUDGE BRELAND: - when I am speaking to the defendant.

I am going to ask [Prosecutor] Swaim, who I am sure has reviewed this case, if Mr. Williams wanted to plead no contest today, what would the State ask for?

SWAIM: 30 days, court costs, lose driver's license for 90 days, minimum - for the record, Your Honor, Mr. Reposa continues to whisper in his client's ear while I am talking.

JUDGE BRELAND: Mr. Reposa, out of here. Right now. I saw what you did. That is contempt.

Can you guess what Reposa did? I didn't. But here we go:

According to Judge Breland's testimony, after Swaim had protested that the applicant continued to whisper in his client's ear,

[The applicant] was standing a couple of feet from the front of the bench and, very clearly, I could see his right hand at his - a few inches from his waist and his hand was in sort of a fist and he moved his hand very quickly up and down for maybe five times. And as he did that, his eyes were rolling . . . and he was looking at me.

Judge Breland further testified that she recognized this gesture as a simulated masturbation gesture.

You know, this would've probably been enough to land him a contempt charge without the eye contact. That part's just creepy. So there you have it. A fun, new way to be thrown in jail.

Do you know what's terrible?

The Bernie Mac Show. (RIP Bernie)

So what if it's 9/9/09

The whole stupid world is buzzing about this "anomaly." "It's 9/9/09! All the numbers match! Etc. etc. etc.!" Yeah. It's happened before. It'll happen again. I didn't hear everyone freaking out about 8/8/08, last year.

Those same jerks probably get excited when the clock hits 10:10 twice a day, too.

On the issue of Shawne Merriman

I know I'm a little late on this, but I've gotta be honest. When I heard Merriman had been arrested for choking Tila Tequila, I thought, "Finally, someone did what the rest of us were thinking."

I'm going to be a bit annoyed if this keeps him off the field for game this weekend.

Man, I gotta do my research

Turns out Rosetta Stone isn't working. So much for yesterday's vow. Gonna have to put this off a couple of days while I get it working.

Put up or shut up

Being half Mexican, you'd think I'd be at least proficient in the Spanish language - and I was at some point during high school. My dad speaks it fluently and pretty much all of the relatives I grew up around speak it fluently. But somewhere in the tosses and turns of childhood, I was left on the platform as the train to Bilingualville took off down the tracks.

Now, I speak and understand a very meager amount of the language. If I woke up in Mexico tomorrow I could find my way out alive, most likely. But I've resolved to improve my ability. In fact, I've vowed to become more fluent in Spanish for a couple of years, now. But tomorrow I'm going to do something about it, finally.

Tomorrow, I'm going to start a Rosetta Stone Spanish program and, hopefully, stick with it once a day until I'm good and fluent. I'll probably post some of my adventures and follies here, in the future. As for right now, I need to jump into some cold water because it's too hot to think.

Blog's back and I'm still bugged

I watched this guy go into a restaurant with his wife and two kids. Doesn't sound too annoying right off, but here's the thing: Dude never took off his sunglasses. At no point during this meal (taken indoors, mind you) did he feel it was acceptable to take off his douche-y, Euro-trash sunglasses. Awesome.

A normal man pulling this stunt would be considered an ass (in my opinion, at least), but a man with his wife and two kids present deserves a gold medal for ass-baggery. Props to his wife for being supportive of his condition. Without her, this all wouldn't have been possible.

P.S. Yes, ass-baggery might be new to the English language. Bonus points for coming up with an appropriate definition.

P.P.S. Yes, it's been almost a year since my last entry. Shut up.